What I Learned in 2014

In recognition of the flooding of  “My Year in Review” Facebook albums  – I wanted to share what I learned through this twister of a year. Many of the topics are probably no-brainers that one applies naturally through common sense. However, my common sense is at times a scarce resource, much like water in the Gobi Dessert. Me, I learn by doing – i.e. the “hard way” – through my own experiences. 

Behold, my findings in 2014: 

1. Make time for the people you care about. Discipline yourself to reach out to people, even if that means picking up the phone and making the first move. When the tough times hit (usually from out of nowhere), you will be glad you have a support system to lean on. And during those times you will learn who your true friends are. Nobody on their deathbed ever looked back and said, “I should spent more time at work.” You remember people not for what they said, but for how they made you feel. You give time to the people who bring value to your life and inspire you to be a better person.
   
   
   Everyone needs a support system.
   
   
   
2. Don’t date an ex. Just don’t. If it didn’t work out with the person the first time, it won’t work a second time, either – even if it’s years later, and even if in some ways you’ve both become different people. If you did things to screw your ex over in the past, chances are they still resent you for it (even if they claim not to). And in the second iteration of the relationship, their resentment manifests by their aloofness, their mixed messages, and ultimately their not treating you very well. After the second iteration ends abruptly on a government holiday, via Facebook, you realize the whole thing was an act to “get back” at you for the pain you inflicted on them years ago. This “Pandora’s Box” of stale emotions and petty resentments is not worth re-opening, so don’t do it.
   
   
   Better to be single than be with an ex. 
   
   
   
3. Don’t have a 5-year plan. Why? Because circumstances can change very rapidly and unexpectedly, altering your perceptions and desires as a result. When this happens, you are forced to re-evaluate your plans, and adapt to new circumstances.  Simply put, there are no guarantees in life, no matter who you are. The unexpected occurs, and you are forced to be flexible. You really have no idea where exactly you’ll be in 5 years or what you’ll want in the future. Planning that far ahead is foolhardy.
   
   
   Just plan on having fun!
   
   
   
4. Employ balance, not moderation. Balance and moderation are not synonymous. “Moderation” entails purposely limiting yourself from behavioral extremes and gratifications. “Balance” entails implementing equilibrium into your life and daily activities, no matter what those activities are.
   So you exercise and eat right. You take pride in your work.  Pursue a hobby. Look for love (if that’s your thing). You go out and have fun. Just remember that there are only 24 hours in a day, so you try not to allot too much of your life for just one activity. Remember that the extra hour you’re spending at the gym each day so you’ll be the same dress size you were 10 years ago – is an extra hour you could be using on something else – may it be seeing friends, or sleeping, anything. Remember that the calories you’re counting and the lumpy cottage cheese you’re eating may deter you from enjoying actual good food with friends, and having actual fun. You need to ask yourself whether the high school physique you’re longing for is truly worth the amount of fun you’re not having.
   
   
   Balance, not moderation. 
   
   
   
5. Go places. Go out of town, even if it’s just a road trip for the day.  See the ocean; walk barefooted on the warm beach and feel the grains of sand between your toes. The DC area, for as exciting and diverse of a city as it is, can also be incredibly stifling when you don’t want to be there.
   
   
   Go to Ocean City!
   
   
   
6. Face your problems head-on. To cope with problems you dive into work-arounds such as exercising to de-stress, or a late night on the town. However, some of these work-arounds can become a crutch. One day you wake up and realize that you were relying so heavily on these de-stressors, that you exacerbated the actual problem. Maybe you figure this out when that work-around no longer becomes an option for you – maybe your body gives out from the physical exertion or the money runs out. Then you are forced to face reality—which you should have done a whole lot sooner.
   
   
   Don't be afraid!
   

Some years are cumulatively superior to others. Overall, 2014 has been decent. The holidays have been less than amazing, but the summer was the best I’ve had in years. As a song once said, life’s a circle, not a line – it’s a cyclical process. You appreciate the good times while they’re good, and ride out the bad times, and be patient, while they’re bad. That’s the best you can do.  

Cheers to 2015.